Remembering Jack Anderson

written on July 22, 2013

In 2008 my father passed away suddenly, he was 56 at the time. He was a great man who loved his family and provided for us in many ways. He left me with a deep curiosity for life and an ambition to tinker and explore.

In memory of him I would like to share a bio he wrote in 20031.

John L. Anderson

Founder and President, ProtoConsult, Incorporated

MD, Proctology, 1992, Wyoming University
MSA in Guanological Sciences, 1976, University of Warsaw
BSBS, 1974, University of Warsaw

1976 to 1980 — Exotic Dancer, Chippendale Inc.

Mr. Anderson joined the world famous dance troupe after successfully completing his advanced degree in Guanology at the University of Warsaw. Unable to immediately find employment in his field (the market was in the toilet at the time), he began his dance career after a chance meeting with Chip Barkenharder and Dale Foofstenmegan near the dumpster of the famous Finish Anaerobic Dance Salon in downtown Helsinki. Discovering deep latent talents in body motion, Mr. Anderson authored some of the most creative and exciting positions in the exotic dance industry which are still practiced throughout the profession today. His Semi-inverted Reverse Flying Provolone has been incorporated in the Illustrated Guide to Exotic Male Dancing, the definitive and most widely read book in the industry.

1982 to 1985 — Senior Bovine Attendant, Big Sky Ranch, Wyoming

After an unfortunate accident while practicing groundbreaking techniques at Chippendales involving three watermelons and an iguana, Mr. Anderson retired from the dance profession and moved to Indigo, Wyoming, to regain is health at Manny’s Physical Therapy and Animal Husbandry Institute. During his period of treatment, Mr. Anderson began his studies in Animal Psychology at the Institute, specializing in suppressed mammary effects in dairy cows (SMEC). After a year of study, he joined the Big Sky Ranch as the Senior Bovine Attendant to solve the growing problem of reduced milk capacity in their Angus population. Based on intensive investigations and the use of marching band instruments (taking the horn by the bulls), Mr. Anderson determined that Angus were in essence beef cattle and not dairy cattle. In recognition of this achievement, Mr. Anderson was inducted into The Butchers, the esteemed organization of cattle researchers and master chefs.

1989 to 2000 — Doctor of Proctology and Member of Clinical Staff, WY U

While at Big Sky, Mr. Anderson discovered that by removing the middle letter from Angus, he could begin to make use of his Guanological educational background in more profound and moving ways. He developed the now famous Miranda Angus Udder Rectum Expulsion method, known now worldwide as MANURE. After reaching the pinnacle of success in this field, he left to continue his studies in higher education, enrolling in the prestigious Wyoming University School of Medicine to study proctology. Gaining his degree in an unprecedented three years, Mr. Anderson was asked to join the staff at WY U to continue advanced research in this important field. His specific interest in the sciatic connections between the brain and the rectum in higher order mammals, and his subsequent definitive paper in the Journal of Medicine, has led to new insights into middle management behavior and decision making in the business and finance world.

2000 to Present — Founder and President, ProctoConsult, Inc

With growing public awareness of his research at WY U, Mr. Anderson became inundated with requests from large and middle size companies to speak at their Management and Marketing offsites. After a year of attempting to balance his duties as a Member of Clinical Staff with the growing professional speaking career, Mr. Anderson took a leave of absence from WY U and formed ProctoConsult Incorporated. Under Mr. Anderson’s leadership, ProtoConsult has now grown to over 200 medical, veterinary, and dairy professionals with offices worldwide. ProctoConsult offers personal and corporate training and consulting to every major corporation in the US and Europe. Mr. Anderson has recently published Headbutting Redefined, which has been on the New York Times bestseller list for over 20 weeks and was selected by the Harvard Business Review as a Must Read.

That is my dad! Irreverant and whitty.

  1. He successfully started a company in 1993 and later sold it. As part of the acquisition he had to submit a bio about himself. Here is what he wrote.